(2/10) Top 10 things to remember when planning a wedding, 2020

Top ten things to remember when planning a wedding, 2020….the less superficial list.

Two of Ten: Wedding planning takes time.

No shit Sherlock you may be saying to me in your head but it needs to be stressed. It’s not the end of the world, if you don’t have all the time in the world, to devote to your wedding planning. It will all work out in the end. Enlist a friend you trust, that listens well. You will need to talk things out often.

You need to plan ahead. Maybe you are handing off your work load to another associate in the office and you should start this process weeks earlier than you planned so that come the two weeks before your wedding, and the week of your wedding, you can truly separate. Additionally, maybe you are going on your honeymoon directly after your wedding. 

I wish this summed up all of wedding related stress but it does come close. Most don’t realize how much time it will take, nor how much time they will want to take when they become inspired. 

It’ll also take more time if you are good at handling detail and if you don’t have the help of a planner. 

Beating yourself up about not having enough time doesn’t help either. This is not the one day in your life that will matter. Have some perspective for yourself. If you are type A you don’t need anymore added pressure. Pressure is already there coursing through your veins when your morning alarm goes off. I know, I’m a wedding planning, I am type A!

With professionals on your side you don’t waste time staring too much at social media, or doing endless research we’ve already done ten times over, or putting any other cart before its horse. 

Perhaps give yourself your own boundaries by focusing on the wedding only at a certain time or on certain days rather than keeping a zillion windows open when you are at work. Let’s not get you fired while you’re engaged. A joke but I know its happened. 

(1/10) Top 10 things to remember when planning a wedding, 2020

Top ten things to remember when planning a wedding…the less superficial list.

If marriage was easy it wouldn’t be so meaningful and weddings so beautiful.

ONE of TEN: Wedding planning will be stressful and complicated because people are involved. 

You may want to pick and choose which people you involve in what pieces of planning. You can tell them only so many cooks are needed in the kitchen for each course. 

You do not need to answer the myriad of questions that others you. Just politely tell them that you have it all under control and you will fill them in, in due time. 

Your colors are none of their business and design typically does’t start with color anyhow. 

For a good portion of you, wedding planning will reveal unhealthy boundaries that you have been putting up with, only thing is now the topic of discussion is as close to your heart as possible. Know what you need and communicate it clearly. Stand by your plans for mental well being, always. 

What if this project is a tool to reveal all that you need to learn to deal with, so that you can both have a wonderful life together? For some more than others, this is a period of great transition. 

Maybe your families are very different. Maybe they don’t know each other well yet. Maybe they don’t even like each other. Maybe you are from two families with different religious beliefs, even different holidays. You spend money differently, your childhood homes looked vastly different. 

This is all just part of life and it isn’t going anywhere after the wedding. You can derive so much good stuff from planning your wedding. Instead of resisting, sit down together and identify what is really going on and how you both feel about it, and how you are going to deal with it as a unit now and in the future. 

Remember you both are your immediate-immediate family now. 

Maybe you are doing yourselves good to seek help? And to that I say, people who get help are people who are continually learning…they are the winners, they are the ones that don’t break.

If marriage was easy it wouldn’t be so meaningful and weddings so beautiful. 

Some of you may not like what I write above. That is okay. Not everything above applies to everyone and by writing what’s above I am surely not stating that I know it all. Don’t be naive, old fashioned, simplistic and judgmental - those that divorce are not irresponsible or bad people. You and I both know that upwards of around fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Marriage is not a mistake if it does. And divorce is not a mistake. I know I am not suppose to ever use the D word. I am a wedding planner. I am suppose to be all sunbeams, superficial fairy dust and overly girly. Eye roll. We all have to go where we have to go, to learn what we need to learn, however challenging. Life is one continuous experience and we are all headed to the same place. Certainly though, we’d all love to learn a bit faster, and spend less time struggling and more time loving.

MY YEAR END TOP 10 THINGS TO REMEMBER - 2020

The last year has been such a gift and I am grateful that I have been in healthy position in all senses of the word. I know that all the people reading this cannot say the same, especially those in the event industry. Oh there were blows, believe me, but perspective was sustained and silver linings appreciated. Without discrediting the hardships that others have endured in 2020, I do know whatever happens to you happens for you. This is my saying of sayings 24/7 and has been for years. You have to turn your circumstances on their head, facing you, like a box of paints standing still, waiting for you to either be reactive or create. You may have to feel a ton of shit but hard feelings don’t hurt you, they only make you stronger - it’s not feeling them, holding them, hiding that will.

Some years I post my top ten things to remember and sometimes I keep them to myself. Going all in for 2020-2021. I am in love with life and all it has to offer and all I have to offer it in return. Maybe the snow is making me glow this week - I am SO pumped.

Check back before the thirty-first, as this blog is one of two installments for New Year’s End. In the next I will tweak this life hack list and deliver you some of my subjective wedding hack lessons.

1. Whatever happens to you, happens for you.

2. Where your attention goes, energy flows, and that energy compounds and so becomes your life. Another nice way of saying, ‘the entirety of your experience will be determined by the quality of your mind’. (I meditate daily. I don’t know how I ever managed without!)

3. It’s wise to drop all stories so that you can first see things as they are. First you have to realize where you are holding stories, bringing them into rooms with yourself and other people. How are you perhaps enabling another person’s story because it serves your own story? Then when you drop them all, you realize just how much ‘okay’, ‘validation’ and ‘enough’ there truly is for everyone. 

4. There are no problems as long as there are solutions. The only problem is that you have yet to find your way to courage. 

5. Boundaries isn’t a bad word and they serves the other people as well. 

6. Long term goals are more generous than short term goals. One day it will be okay if you piss people off in the short term because you are going to create, achieve or do something that will benefit them more tomorrow. 

7. Being interested is a lot more loving, trustworthy, genuine and productive than trying to be interesting. 

8. Time and health are all we have. That is a sobering, scary and strengthening one to digest fully and reread daily on a sticky note posted to your front door…not that you should be going anywhere in 2020 except for a good long walk but you know what I mean. 

9. Show up to connect, rather than control or coerces to power.  How can you know what you are going to offer next when you have not digested what the other person has sent your way? Living generously and well is just like the craft of acting, living right in the moment. Acting powerful or being defensive is not going to protect you from anything but move you farther from you goal. The only protection from anything you will ever have is your ability to face things head on, without defense, soft. 

10. Resistance is the only pain…Another common way of saying the same thing as above. So true. And there is no BUT, only AND. 

As always, ignore my dyslexic grammar. I think pace and personality are more important anyway.

I love and forgive you 2020 just don’t come back here again.

XO

Ashley D.

COVID: To begin planning or not, that is your current dilemma.

You have anxiety about planning your wedding right now in this new world. Questions are overflowing in your mind.  ‘Will we have to reschedule and with less favorable terms than we began with?’ ‘What if we have to reduce the guest list to under 50 and why does this feel next to impossible?’ ‘What if we have to move the wedding outside and our current date is during the winter months?’ ‘What if rescheduling costs us additional fees?’ ‘What if someone in our families gets sick before the big day?’ ‘Will a socially distanced wedding even be fun?’

At the same time, not planning a wedding may be giving you as much anxiety as actually planning a wedding. To delay moving forward with your wedding may feel like you are disrespecting yourselves. Perhaps you find yourselves angry, yet there is no one to really be angry at!  You are not alone; this is how many couple’s are feeling.

During a time of many unknowns it can be crucial to have a skilled planner by your side. You need a planner who is going to set you up for both safety and success so you can comfortably move forward with your much-anticipated wedding day. 

Yes, given the atmosphere of our world, there are some parameters we must plan ahead for. For one, you may want to air on the side of a smaller wedding so that if you do have to limit your guest count, you will not have to uninvite as many guests. Alternatively, you may want to send Save the Dates to your first 50-60 closest friends and family and save the other Save the Dates to mail in early 2021.

Perhaps the biggest fear persuading you not to begin planning is costs. Will you be charged more should you have to move your wedding to another date? Will you be charged the same amount should your guest count need to drastically drop?  These are valid concerns and we understand your desire to respect your money. However, these are not all barriers to begin planning. Given the current climate, the initial leg work to find the right vendors for you both may take a bit longer and you may not want to sign up for your first choice because of their COVID related terms. We can walk you through this process and ensure you select the best vendors for YOU.

Most noteworthy, we have had three events in COVID times and they all were beautiful, fun and safe. The guests and vendors did get tested before coming into the area and then were tested again right before the big day. Had someone tested positive prior to the wedding, they would have been unable to attend the in-person events. The staff was tested at two of these events and at the another we knew they were tested within that week. The staff members also took extra precautions to distance themselves when they could and the menu and service was slightly altered for the event where the staff wasn’t tested the day before. 

Personally, we feared the smaller weddings being awkward but for our events it was quite the opposite. We do believe the main reason why these COVID friendly events were not awkward was because we laid out the laws of the land to guests before they arrived and also because everyone was tested. Guests knew what to expect and they respected the wishes of the host and the current laws in the area. When guests don't know what to expect it makes for far more anxiety. ` 

If you are not a candidate for a full planner but want assistance with the start of planning so that you can begin confidently during these uncertain times, we are offering alternatives to our traditional full planning packages. 

Couples may bring us on hourly or with a package rate to help with the following: 

• Securing a wedding venue with the best possible terms allowed

• Securing vendors who are best suited to your budget, location and comfort level.

• Prior planning your Covid related details and parameters.

• Setting you up on a planning timeline for the year ahead.

• Educational sessions on all things planning: venues, paper, timelines, hotels, decor, etc. 

We assure you if you choose your date and book your venue, you will relax more. 

Please feel free to reach out with any questions! We look forward to working with couples planning their special days during these uncertain times and helping to execute, intimate, fun and beautiful weddings. 

Happy Planning, 

Ashley + Team