(6/10) What is your wedding for and what is it not for? Get specific

Six of Ten: What is your wedding for and what is it not for? Get specific. 

Adding to five of ten (see our previous instagram post a few days ago).

Maybe your wedding is to celebrate how far you both have come personally and professionally because of one another. 

Maybe your wedding is to thank your community that has supported you and accepted you as you are through the years. 

Maybe your wedding is to celebrate all that you both plan to create and do in the years to come.

Maybe your wedding is to celebrate your family of origin that helped set you up for success in relationships. 

You recognize that it takes a village to create a meaningful life. How has this community supported you? How does this community make you both feel? 

Giving language to your ‘why’ helps maintain perspective and creates energy for the experience you want to have, not just for that weekend but in the months leading up to this special day. ***It directs focus away from the unimportant minutiae that will stress you out.***

What is your wedding not for? We all have anxieties. Let go of the baggage getting in your way and get on with YOUR amazing planning and weekend. What baggage? You know, the performance anxiety that many people carry. 

Your wedding is not to prove your worth. 

Your wedding is not to prove your status.

Your wedding is not a competition with your social sphere. 

Own your own day and be true to yourself. 

(3/10) Top 10 things to remember when planning a wedding...the less superficial list.

Three of Ten: Wedding planning can be simple if you know what the skilled planner knows.
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As always, what we write below does not apply to everyone.
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Right now, you may not believe that wedding planning can be simple but it’s true. So is the fact that what’s simple is hard. Wedding planning and any project, no matter its size, is simple if you have the time, experience, support and know what's ahead of you. It’s sometimes hard to accept what you learn as you move along because your assumptions will be tested. If it’s not time, experience, or a fear of the unknown getting in your way, then it’s your feelings about what’s happening, or things entirely separate from the project of wedding planning. If you don’t have the willingness to address all your feelings during this noteworthy time, then you are prone to project your feelings onto other things, such as your wedding planning.
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For some of you more than others, the time of your engagement and wedding planning brings up a ton of feelings. In other words, questions, expectations, fears, baggage from your childhood and your present-day insecurities. All normal stuff that is not all about shooting stars and fairy princesses. All normal stuff. You are not odd or alone in this.
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Take planning one step at a time and don’t fling your attention all over the place. Above all, hire help or enlist a levelheaded friend you trust. If you do hire help and your help has done this over 200 times to great success, trust them.
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Simplify your life a little so you can give yourselves time for all the things that come up this year, so that the actual wedding planning is simpler. If you take time for all your feelings, at the end of the road I promise that you will feel more ready, happy, and carefree on your wedding day.
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Don’t fall down the rabbit hole and have a year that is constantly in manic-mode and reassure yourselves by saying, it’ll all go back to normal once the wedding is over because it won’t, not entirely anyhow. If this describes you month after month after month after month, some other things are going on and after the wedding, when you crash, you will be left with the realities that you avoided beforehand.
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The process will be much simpler for you both if you get specific about the intention of your wedding. Yeah, yes, we know you want to celebrate with your friends and family, and for everyone to have a blast. But truly what is your wedding for and what is it not for? Aim your energy at the positive answer and try and let all the other bullshit fall away. Respect your own wedding - stick to your intentions. You are choosing to not just go to city hall for a reason, right? Well, why?

Charitable giving through your Wedding | an overview of some charities

Special Gift, Special Day

It’s 2019 and culture is changing. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves and instead apply this idea solely to the context of wedding registries. 

Many couples are making charitable giving a part of their wedding plans. This may mean the couple donates funds to an organization in lieu of wedding favors, food at their after party, upgraded napkins, or any other detail they feel they would have otherwise included if they did not consider the charitable gift more worthwhile. 

Commonly, and most meaningfully, these donations might be made in honor of a loved one who has passed, or a family member or friend who has faced a significant challenge. 

Additionally, the average age of couples getting married has risen and has always been higher in the New York area, where the greater majority of our clients reside. Couples have already made a life for themselves that obviously includes flatware and bedding, so they are forgoing signing up for wedding registries, instead suggesting places where guests can make donations in the couple’s name, or in their own. Furthermore, it is uncomfortable asking people to purchase things for you at the quality you would perhaps purchase for yourselves. You also do not want to accumulate more stuff just to accumulate more stuff, that does not feel good, especially if you live in a NYC apartment. 

We know there are many nonprofits and charitable platforms out there, so ADE is here to help you get a head start on choosing one! JustGiving.org, crowdrise.com and CharityNavigator.org are all search engines to use to start your search if you are in love with the idea of setting up a charitable registry but still need to find an organization. You can give back, or encourage your guests to give, to any charitable organization you love, such as Charity: Water, OceanX, FeedingAmerica, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and American Cancer Society just to name a few we love. You can do this quite simply by making a mention of this donation on the bottom of your menus, on the back page of your ceremony program, on your website, on the details card within your invitation suite, or by making an awareness table that shares literature about this organization. An awareness table can be placed near the entrance and exit of your venue. We have seen couples forgo the awareness table and instead include the literature for the organization in their hotel welcome bags. You may also opt, instead, to put literature about this organization out at brunch the day after your wedding. 

Below are just a few organizations, or companies, that sell products that give back. These items can be given as favors as well.  We write “organizations” because nowadays not all companies that give back are necessarily non-for-profit. Some are for profit, so that they can sustain themselves better while giving back. They can hire more capable talent for their teams, and those teammates can be grateful for being paid what they deserve, while also having work that is real. They can hire employees who need salaries themselves to get back up off their feet and enter the workforce again. The Giving Keys is an organization that does just that. Ashley herself has a few of the long necklaces from The Giving Keys and gave them as holiday gifts to vendors in 2018. The terrain of ‘give back’ companies is changing and, with for-profit companies sprouting up, perhaps giving back will become part of the norm and soon we can all do our part to contribute to closing the opportunity gap in this country and beyond. 

4Ocean: This organization was created by two surfing friends, Alex and Andrew, while away on vacation in Bali, a small fishing village in Indonesia. Simply constructed, fisherman remove plastic out of the ocean with their nets, so that they can save their livelihood, the fish.  The cost of each bracelet, made from recycled materials, helps to clean up 1 lb of plastic from the ocean. 

The Giving Keys: This company was created on a social impact employment model. Instead of raising funds through the products they sell they sell products that provide jobs to those transitioning out of homelessness - hence giving keys; keys to someone’s future. 

Truffles for a Cause can help you create the perfect wedding favors that will give back to a charity of your choosing! Within their box of chocolates is a charity card which provides details of a charity.  This can be a small but rewarding detail to add to your special day.

One Hope Wine was created over the love of wine but also to bring communities all over the world together. “To date we have made more than $3 million in donations, provided 46,000 people with global health care, 49,000 forever homes for shelter animals, 1.8 million meals for children, 163,000 life-saving vaccines and much more.”

Repeat Roses is a wonderful for-profit organization that we have worked with many times since its inception in 2014. It is a no brainer - you pay a fee for their staff to pick up, rearrange and deliver your flowers to a nearby organization of your choice. With this service you have the opportunity to claim a good portion of your flower bill as a charitable donation. If your flower bill is high enough, it is a win-win. You are even sent pictures of your flowers the next day, in their new location, making someone else’s day a bit brighter and albeit fragrant. 

Some more non-for-profits we love and want to shed some light on are as follows….

Wish Upon A Wedding “has helped over 125 couples say ‘I Do’  since its launch in January 2010.” This particular non-profit provides couples who are struggling with serious illnesses with grants for weddings and vow renewals. 

Changing the Present is a company that helps to channel funds to nonprofits through a donation given in a friend’s name. Instead of purchasing a birthday gift or a wedding gift, this company seeks to make the experience of donation feel like a rewarding gift. 

Vow to End Child Marriage is an organization started with the assistance of Girls Not Brides, The Ford Foundation and Hive. The mission of this organization is to end child marriage by raising funds that support local organizations across Asia, Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean. Both Vow and Girls Not Brides are active in working to end child marriage across the world.  

The charities listed above are only a few of the many remarkable organizations you can choose from. We applaud your choice to add charitable giving to your special day and hope we can help you find an organization that best fits your vision. 

Happy Planning!

Ashley Douglass Events Team! 

Written by Christina Madden, Spring 2019 Intern and Ashley Douglass

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